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Talking To Kids About SEX

Parenting //

There is a long held belief in many circles that there are certain subjects that should not be mentioned at church or from the pulpit.  They are “reserved for the home.”  There are two problems with that whole frame of reference.

Shouldn’t SEX Talk Be Reserved For The Home?

1)     SEX was created by God.

The idea that sex should not be discussed in church flies in the face of the fact that SEX is a beautiful gift, created by God, for the purpose of giving a husband and wife an intimate physical way of connecting and expressing their love for one another.  It is also designed by God as the way for the human race to reproduce.

“As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it.” – Genesis 8:17

In fact, to say that SEX should not be mentioned in church means that you probably haven’t read the BIBLE lately.  SEX and instructions about SEX are all throughout the Bible.  Depending on what translation of the Bible you use, the topic of SEX is addressed between 100 – 137 times.

In fact, the Bible gets pretty graphic at times.  And it’s not relegated simply to a couple of poetic passages in the Song of Solomon.

For too long, the church has been silent on this issue.  For years, children (and adults alike) heard little to nothing on the subject of healthy sexuality from the church.  Part of the reason it is not spoken about from the pulpit is that it makes us uncomfortable.  It makes us uncomfortable because it is rarely brought up in the pulpit.  It is a vicious cycle, so we consider it off-limits.

Sadly, this ends up working against us.   The only time kids or teens ever hear the word SEX brought up in the pulpit, it is only in a negative context.  “DON’T have sex, kids.  It’s bad!  It’s dangerous!  Stay away from SEX!”

There’s a problem with this.  SEX isn’t bad.  It is good.  It is VERY good.  God designed it.  He created it.  We have turned it into a taboo subject for the church, and it is not and should not be.

The other reason that the whole “The topic of SEX should be reserved for the home” is a problem is…

2)     Few parents ever give their kids a healthy, Biblical sex education

If I were to take a quick poll of each of my readers and ask, “How many of you received healthy, value-centered sex education from your parents growing up?”  (not just a superficial one-time and confusing conversation about birds and bees, but a true explanation and education regarding healthy, Bible-centered sexuality) – the number would be next to zero.

It’s sad: Our parents didn’t talk to us about healthy sexuality, and, unfortunately, we’re not doing much better with our own children.  A vast majority of young people say they receive more information about sexuality from their friends, media, and school than from their own home.  This is not good news, especially when all studies show that the more positive, value-centered sex education kids receive in their home, the less promiscuous they will be.

Even though this generation of parents typically wants to do a better job of communicating with their kids, too many well-meaning moms and dads are remaining silent for too long.  We are so paranoid about our kids becoming sexually active, we foolishly think that by not approaching the subject of sex for as long as possible, we will somehow keep them from learning about it and falling into sin.  The typical mindset of a Christian parent is “If I talk to them about it, it will make them more curious.”

Because it so off-limits for their behavior, we’ve made it off-limits for our conversation with our kids.

Many parents are afraid that talking about “it” will rob their children of their sexual innocence, or they are afraid that their children’s sexual desires might be awakened early.  Some parents avoid bringing up the subject because they might be asked about their own experiences, and they aren’t all that proud of how they handled their own sexuality.

I am not suggesting that Kids Pastors have a series in Children’s Church on “God’s View On SEX!”  Not at all!  But, what I am suggesting is that WE must do OUR JOB to train and equip the parents in our church to have these meaningful conversations at home with their kids!

The best place for children to learn about sexuality and relationships is  – AT HOME – from their parents!

A parent is almost always the person who has the best interest of their child in mind when it comes to sexuality.  And you and I have the opportunity to provide our children healthy, Bible-centered sex education that is based on what God values.  He has given us our sexuality.  In the framework of Scripture, sex is not dirty.  In the context of marriage it is beautiful.  The world’s culture has cheapened sex, but God’s view of sexuality is wonderful and magnificent.

In this video, I teach the parents at our church on the topic of “How To Talk To Your Kids About SEX.”  I encourage you to watch it, take notes, and even take the information in order to teach a class just like this at YOUR church.  It’s time the church start talking about God’s plan for the lives of our kids when it comes to building a healthy, Bible-based sexuality.

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About the Author

Brian began in Kids Ministry in 1992. He has served at two churches, The Oaks Fellowship (Dallas, TX 1992-1999) and First NLR (North Little Rock, AR 1999 – Present). He loves kids, Kidmin Leaders, and everything that involves leading children in their spiritual journey! Brian founded High Voltage Kids Ministry Resources in 1998, which creates and provides Kids Church Curriculum, Music, Games, Videos, and more to churches around the world.