My life, right in this moment, is not where I want it to be. A promising relationship has ended and my heart is aching. And because of that I am doubting a few things.
In my confusion, I am doubting my perceptions of reality. In the surprise of this ending, I am doubting that my future is really bright and shiny. In my sadness, I am doubting the rightness of God’s plan.
And I can’t help but wonder if Mary had twinges of doubt. I know that pretty much right away she said to Gabriel, “Let it be to me according to your word,” and I know that she has been hailed as being a young woman of great faith, but still. She was just a girl. And she was only human. And she knew what it was supposed to take to make a baby. I do not want to diminish her faith. It is remarkable. It is to be lauded. It is to be replicated.
But I cannot help but ponder if she doubted anything in those moments…
Will this really happen to me?
What is God thinking?
Is this really the best plan for my life?
All questions you and I have probably asked ourselves at some point. Some of which we might be asking right now in the middle of our hurting season.
I feel like doubting gets a bad rap. But perhaps doubting isn’t even the right word. Questioning?Wondering maybe?
We’re allowed to do those things. I don’t think, especially in our pain, that we are expected as mere humans, to just move forward blindly without using our minds and hearts to wrestle through our pain.
So today as you look to Christmas-the coming of the Lord-and you are hurting and waiting and wondering, know that it’s okay.
It’s okay if things feel off.
It’s okay if you don’t know what to think.
It’s okay if you have more questions than answers today.
You do not need all the answers.
God is a great big God. He can handle the questions. He isn’t afraid of your ponderings. I believe he understands how hard times throw us off kilter. Maybe today is all about being okay with not knowing and not seeing clearly and not understanding. Maybe that is the gift you can give yourself today.
God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. – I Corinthians 4:33
God, I am confused by my circumstances. Nothing is clear. Nothing seems right. I can’t see your hand in any of this right now. So today I ask that you help me simply accept my reality for what it is and sense your peace. Amen.
Elisabeth Klein is a single mom to two teenagers. She loves spending time with her kids, her friends, reading and writing. This blog is an excerpt from Holidays for the Hurting: 25 Devotions to Get You Through the Season. Elisabeth has also written numerous books including Moving on as a Single Christian Mom, Living through Divorce as a Christian Woman, Surviving in a Difficult Christian Marriage, Unraveling: Hanging onto Faith through the End of a Christian Marriage. Visit her website athttp://www.elisabethklein.com/ to sign up for her blog and e-newsletter. Elisabeth is aproud Member of Redbud Writer’s Guild and has been featured on Moody’s In the Market, This is the Day, and Midday Connection.
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